Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
