i just wanna soil my oats bro
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
3pm strippers are depressing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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