mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
