I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Found your dick twin last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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