Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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