I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
