you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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