We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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