My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
