Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
