Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize