At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
