I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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