Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
