Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
