I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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