so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
