you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
