At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize