According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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