I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
