how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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