And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
