i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
