he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
