Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
