I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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