dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
