Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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