so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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