Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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