All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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