that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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