i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
