Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
