Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
