I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
