I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I believe in your delicious
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
