He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
