okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
