I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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