So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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