Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
