the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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