Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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