I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Randomize
