dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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