I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
