I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
