I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize