You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
