there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
