you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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