ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
