Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
