At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
