I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
