I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
