Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
