Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
