Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
3pm strippers are depressing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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