what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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