Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
