i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
