I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got inside last night via doggy door
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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