Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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