M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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