awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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